And not just because my mother thinks I dress like a 70 year old. (Actually, mom, the 40s are just my favourite time period. It’s classic.)

I am terribly nostalgic. It’s been happening more and more since I turned 19. I mean, I knew nostalgia plagued the aged, but I did not expect such an early onset! Anyway, I cleaned my room today. I know, miracles of miracles, right? But whenever I do, I get in this mood. I really love having a clean room, but I have so much stuff. Stuff from my past, mainly. My childhood is splattered on the walls. Everything is painted in bright colours. There are stuffed animals everywhere. Photos from when I did ballet are on a shelf. There are cartoon animals on the walls! It’s like, a 13 year old designed it (which is, of course, what happened). Then, you have signs of my high school age, with my closet which is plastered in photos of celebrities. Ashton Kutcher gazes at me from several locations on the collage. I really should take it down. Next, you see me a bit more grown up, with make-up and jewelry all over. I have quite a few electronics floating around. Art. Notes to myself. Books outlining colleges and universities. Stuff from Katimavik.

Sitting in the middle of it all, and being able to see it clearly, without the distraction of clothes and papers scattered all around the floor, is a little overwhelming. I think about my emo moments in this room, when I thought about life, and maybe about how it might not be worth it, and now I know how much of an impact everything has on me. Even the most insignificant little thing is bigger than this whole world. This is the place where I daydream, where I cry when my heart is broken. It’s where I dance, and sing, and talk to friends on the phone, and write this blog, and read, and watch movies with hot tea and a blanket. I always felt at home in Katimavik, and I loved sharing a room, and yet, on August 22nd, when I got home, and came up here, tears came into my eyes. I acted cool about it, and shooed my parents away, so I could change. Instead, I sat on my bed and looked around, and saw myself as a teenager, all over. Then I took the button Anny had given me before we left the house in Quebec- “9 Somebodies Love Me,” and pinned it to my curtains, and- that’s it. I’ve been here ever since.

So, I start working at my dad’s company tomorrow, which is to say that I was too lazy to go find another job, and my parents have had enough of my freeloading!  So, that will be interesting, but I may not be around as often as I am now! It’s kind of sad, because I’ve adapted to my carefree schedule nicely, but it’s time to start being an adult. And I really want to start school in September. It feels nice to have a goal again!