I am completely, totally and utterly FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS. I cannot count how many times I’ve been sick these last few weeks, but it’s been a lot. Just looking at this last week, I was sick last Thursday until Tuesday with a cold that was made a million times worse from exhaustion. Then, on Tuesday my right ear started to feel a little bit weird. Yesterday, it was constantly painful, so I went to the clinic on campus.

I went around lunch time, and after a few minutes of sitting there, they turned off the lights, saying I could see a nurse, but that they were all going to go for lunch soon since the doctor was away and they rarely get a chance to go out. Uh, okayyyy but I am in pain, so?! The nurse looked at my ear for about 10 seconds and then told me to use mineral oil drops for 3 days and come back on Friday afternoon (which is actually two days, but who’s keeping track?).

After school yesterday, I went to my work to find this mineral oil stuff. I work in the department next to the pharmacy, so the pharmacists probably have a rough idea of who I am. I asked one of them where I could find this stuff, and they told me the next aisle on my left. I was confused for a moment, since that aisle is generally filled with condoms and Pepto-Bismol. I look, expecting some sort of small bottle that oils often come in. Failing at that, I look to the bottom shelf and find a giant bottle of mineral oil. I pick it up, and on the front of it is says, in large letters tasteless, odorless LAXATIVE. Suddenly, I am completely mortified. Ugh.

So, I’ve had anti-constipation oil dripping out of my ears since last night, which is pretty gross, and isn’t helping much. In fact, I nearly blacked out and I cried twice today, from the pain. Once while buying juice, I had to bend over and cry while waiting in line. Then, at lunch, I went to the washroom and as I was washing my hands I had to put my head down on the counter and cry, after my ear popped.

To just make myself that little extra bit annoying and pathetic, I am extremely worried about… oh, everything. I’m worried about family and friends and the fact that no matter how hard I try right now I fall short of what I would expect for myself. I should be doing better in school (not that I’ve had anything but an A- or higher apart from one quiz before Reading Week, the day my Dad was having a procedure done). I’ve missed a lot of work due to sickness, so I am poor, and I’m not sure if I will be able to keep my job if this keeps up. But I HAVE to, because I need to pay for stuff. The nightmares still continue and I feel extra attached to everyone around me, as if they’re all about to go away.

It’s probably becoming a recurring theme in this blog, and I’m sorry for being so whiney, but I just need things to stop for a little while.